perspective.

two weeks ago i got one of those scary phone calls. i was out eating lunch with some people when one of my friends hands me her phone and tells me that my sister is calling.

by the tone of my sister's voice, i instantly knew something was wrong, so i left the table with my heart racing. she went on to tell me that my dad was taken to the ER in an ambulance. they didn't know what was going on.

the thought came in my head, "not again". i could feel that fear and frustration come back.

the same feelings i felt in 2009 when my little sister had a bone tumor on her hip that they thought was cancerous, the same feelings i felt in 2012 when my dad fell off a ladder and we all got the call to come home, the same feelings i felt in 2013 when i was the one in the hospital unable to walk, far away from family, the same feelings i felt when later that same year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.

i knew the right answers and i knew it came down to trusting the Lord, but why is it always health in my family? why do we go through these sicknesses. if God really is in control, why does He let this happen to us.

the next few days as we waited to hear how my dad was, i tried my hardest to hold it all together, i tried to trust the Lord and i tried to still operate in joy.

the doctors found out that my dad had a stroke and all i wanted to do was to be there with my family. i planned a trip to go up there that next weekend.

my dad was released from the hospital later that week with hardly any symptoms. the doctors were actually shocked with how well he was doing.

when i finally arrived home, i felt relieved to see him, but I was still a little frustrated with the Lord.

while i was with my mom, she made the comment on how awesome it is that the Lord always heals us. that every health issue we have faced could have been so much worse than it was. in 2009, my sister did not have cancer and her hip is completely healed, in 2012, my dad's fall was not near as bad as they thought, in 2013 i was able to walk again in only 4 days and my mom's cancer was easily removed and did not need any type of radiation or chemo, and now my dad has hardly any effects from the stroke he just suffered.

perspective: it's a choice. i decided that i'd rather have my mom's perspective. i'd rather focus on the protection and not the pain. i'd would rather choose joy than sit in the sorrow. i'd rather see where Jesus was than pretend He wasn't there.

He is there and He has been there every step of the way. the Lord has protected me from so very much in my life and i never want to lose this perspective again.