perspective.

two weeks ago i got one of those scary phone calls. i was out eating lunch with some people when one of my friends hands me her phone and tells me that my sister is calling.

by the tone of my sister's voice, i instantly knew something was wrong, so i left the table with my heart racing. she went on to tell me that my dad was taken to the ER in an ambulance. they didn't know what was going on.

the thought came in my head, "not again". i could feel that fear and frustration come back.

the same feelings i felt in 2009 when my little sister had a bone tumor on her hip that they thought was cancerous, the same feelings i felt in 2012 when my dad fell off a ladder and we all got the call to come home, the same feelings i felt in 2013 when i was the one in the hospital unable to walk, far away from family, the same feelings i felt when later that same year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.

i knew the right answers and i knew it came down to trusting the Lord, but why is it always health in my family? why do we go through these sicknesses. if God really is in control, why does He let this happen to us.

the next few days as we waited to hear how my dad was, i tried my hardest to hold it all together, i tried to trust the Lord and i tried to still operate in joy.

the doctors found out that my dad had a stroke and all i wanted to do was to be there with my family. i planned a trip to go up there that next weekend.

my dad was released from the hospital later that week with hardly any symptoms. the doctors were actually shocked with how well he was doing.

when i finally arrived home, i felt relieved to see him, but I was still a little frustrated with the Lord.

while i was with my mom, she made the comment on how awesome it is that the Lord always heals us. that every health issue we have faced could have been so much worse than it was. in 2009, my sister did not have cancer and her hip is completely healed, in 2012, my dad's fall was not near as bad as they thought, in 2013 i was able to walk again in only 4 days and my mom's cancer was easily removed and did not need any type of radiation or chemo, and now my dad has hardly any effects from the stroke he just suffered.

perspective: it's a choice. i decided that i'd rather have my mom's perspective. i'd rather focus on the protection and not the pain. i'd would rather choose joy than sit in the sorrow. i'd rather see where Jesus was than pretend He wasn't there.

He is there and He has been there every step of the way. the Lord has protected me from so very much in my life and i never want to lose this perspective again.

painting

so friday night i had no plans set and i decided that it was the perfect opportunity to have a chill "introvert" night. i am not an introvert, so these kinds of nights are rare, but when they do happen i tend to enjoy them.

as i thought about what to do that night, i had the grand idea to get my paints out and be creative. i love to paint, but with traveling being such a big part of my life these past two years, i have hardly had the time to pick up a paint brush,

there was something freeing in painting that night. i wasn't painting a picture for anyone or doing a project, i was simply just painting for the fun of creating something.

fast-forward to this morning. monday morning is my favorite day to go to work, because every monday morning we have staff worship. i love this time with the Lord.

as i was worshiping and talking to Jesus this morning, we were singing a song about how he loved us first. this had me thinking about him designing us. i had a thought come to mind. what if Jesus designs us in the same way that i design my paintings? what if every stroke that he makes has purpose and every color is chosen with care? what if he takes the time and energy to mix the exact combination of colors to get that perfect tone? what if every single part of his painting is intentionally created?

the crazy thing is, we were created in this way. not just our appearance, but everything that makes us who we are. the quirks and weird things, the sometimes embarrassing things, the things that make us unique and special. he created all of us, every single part of us.

he created us with purpose and carefully chose what would make us who we are, he took time and energy to find that perfect combination of personality and character. every single part of us was intentionally created.

his love for us inspired the way he made us and i am confident that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made"(psalm 139:14). we can be assured that he didn't just throw some paint on a canvas. he carefully, lovingly designed us. he paid far too high a price for anything less than a masterpiece.

new season. new blog.

this new season is a crazy one. i moved to a new place. i started a new job. i made new friends. and i am ready and excited for this new chapter of my life.

it is a scary chapter. just over a year ago i prayed a prayer that is still being answered today. i asked Jesus to scare me. i asked him to take me places that were beyond myself and here i am.

in this new job that i have, i mentor 54 missionaries that are on an 11 month mission trip to 11 different countries (the world race). i get to go out and see them 4 times during the year.

i just got home from my first visit out on the field. i had an amazing week with them in nepal. as i was out there with them, i realized the weight of what i am doing, of what we are doing.

i realized that we are BUILDING A KINGDOM. this is a big deal

Jesus Christ, the God of the universe ended his ministry here on earth by telling us to go and make disciples of all nations and here we are still doing it over 2000 years later. wow.

it is easy to get caught up in the details and in the "to do" lists, but we have to remember to step back and take JOY IN THE JOURNEY. we need to celebrate the many victories that have been won to get to this point.

a kingdom is being built and we get to take part, this is no small thing.